The Cube Rule

of Food Identification

as seen in
The Webby Awards    The Washington Post

first, we asked:

 

are hot dogs sandwiches?

Classic Sandwiches

New York said yes.

This bulletin explains what is a sandwich hot dogs and sausages on buns, rolls, etc.

then,

pop tarts are a kind of ravioli.

the wars began

excuse me, ravioli are a kind of pop-tart

The Sandwich
Alignment Chart

 

tried to bring order

The Sandwich Alignment Chart

but only chaos ensued

my wife left me because I think a burrito is a sandwich

then spake

the holy prophet

@Phosphatide

are you unsatisfied with current debates regarding what is or is not a sandwich?

blessing us with

the grand unified theory

of food identification

The Cube Rule

The Cube Rule of Food for identifying dishes based on starch locations

identify any food

purely by the location

of structural starch

① Toast

cube with bottom face solid

① Toast cube with bottom face solid

popular examples

a pizza

pizza

a piece of nigiri sushi

nigiri sushi

a slice of pumpkin pie

pumpkin pie slice

② Sandwich

cube with bottom and top face solid

② Sandwich cube with bottom and top face solid

popular examples

a piece of lasagna

lasagna

(multi-decker)

a toast sandwich

toast

(made and photographed
by me, Ryan. it was okay)

pieces of a quesadilla made from two whole tortillas

quesadilla

(non-folded)

③ Taco

cube with bottom and two sides solid

③ Taco cube with bottom and two sides solid

popular examples

a hot dog

hot dog

 

a sub-style sandwich

sub sandwich

(uncut)

a slice of cherry pie

slice of pie

(taco on its side)

④ Sushi

cube with bottom, top, and two sides solid

④ Sushi cube with bottom, top, and two sides solid

popular examples

a falafel wrap

falafel wrap

two pigs in blankets

pigs in a blanket

an enchilada

enchilada

⑤ Quiche

cube with bottom and all four sides solid

⑤ Quiche cube with bottom and all four sides solid

popular examples

a hot dog

cheesecake

 

a sub-style sandwich

soup

(in a bread bowl)

a slice of cherry pie

falafel pita

 

⑤ Quiche cube with bottom and all four sides solid

bonus round

a hot dog

deep-dish pizza

 

a sub-style sandwich

salad

(in a bread bowl)

a slice of cherry pie

key lime pie

 

⑥ Calzone

cube with all six sides solid

⑥ Calzone cube with all six sides solid

popular examples

a hot dog

burrito

 

a sub-style sandwich

corn dog

 

a slice of cherry pie

pie

(whole)

⑥ Calzone cube with all six sides solid

bonus round

dim sum dumplings

dumplings

 

a frosted strawberry pop-tart

pop-tarts

 

a smuckers uncrustable, with one bite taken out

uncrustables

(unbitten)

Additional Cube Rulings

⓪ Salad

cube with all six sides empty

⓪ Salad cube with all six sides empty

popular examples

a grilled steak

steak

mashed potatoes

mashed potatoes

fried rice

fried rice

⓪ Salad cube with all six sides empty

bonus round

a bowl of spaghetti with tomato sauce

spaghetti

 

a dish of poutine

poutine

 

a bowl of tomato soup

soup

(a wet salad)

Muffins

or other blocks of starch


are type ①, toast

(in raw, unsliced form)

Rice

You are free to interpret the
nature of rice however you wish.

Vanilla Soy Latte

A three-bean soup.

Thank you.

References

made with 💖 by @indirect

🍞🥪🌮🌯🥙🥟🥗